“All of a sudden I was trapped! Locked deep in my own mind. My thoughts inclosing me as the world whirled around me. Thoughts, the human mind, our psyche, they are such strange things, trapping us deep inside our selves. Some people never notice. They go their whole life never realizing something is holding them in, keeping them locked up. But I notice.
After a few moments of this panic and a handful of strange looks I’m back to normal. I really am a normal kid. I just get stuck sometimes. But everyone does right?
Walking down the hall is probably the single worst part of high school. I don’t know how many times you’ve tried it. But it’s a lot harder than the normal one foot in front of the other walking you’ve done since you started walking. Oh no… life would just be too easy if that’s all there was to it. It’s more like step, dodge, pretend not to hear the whispers, step, dodge again, pick up your books, step. Five minutes are just not enough time to get across the school.
As I finally step up to the door of my math class the bell rings, and with a smirk the teacher locks the door in front of me. This is my cue to go to the office. Ha! As if. I head out to the shed, or as us “problem kids” call it, the alternative school.
As I expected the normal gang was there. Kimmi, she is absolutely brilliant, but she doesn’t care about anything, not since her twin brother died. Turtle is also there, take one look at him and you can see why the teachers have pinned him with us trouble makers, mohawk, baggy clothes, mean look, but he is one of the only guys in this whole damn school that has any emotions. Slater was in the corner picking at his scabs, hard to believe his real name is Slater, but I guess that’s what happens when you’re your own parent.
“Hey guys!” I say as I flop onto our newest chair (it’s really just a plastic bag full of leaves)
“You did it again didn’t you? Another panic attack?” Kimmi is always blaming me for being late. Like it’s even my fault.
Nervously picking at my half painted nails I shake my head and shrug. Kimmi hates this reaction and she gives me a dirty look. Typical. But I don’t care. I found something new to occupy my interest.
“Hey! Turtle, man, brother, hommie dawg slice, is that a soda in your paws?”
The bit of soda he had in his mouth comes flying out of his nose, Kimmi lets out a chuckle and even Slater looks up from his work to enjoy my silliness.
“Girl you sure are something else, here ‘ya go dear.”
Good thing I have reflexes like I cat or ‘ya know I would have never caught that stupid soda. That would have been so bad. Pretty much catastrophic!”
“Oh and why would it be catastrophic?”
“You know I hate when you interrupt my thoughts. I’m not trying to be rude but yeah… you wanted to hear the story. Are you going to let me finish?”
“Yes. Do continue”
What a pain, he asked to tell a story then interrupts me and shuts me down. Nice.
“Ok well any way that was it. After that I had that thought thing I was telling you about. That’s the last thing I remember, well other then the whole hospital thing then waking up in this hell hole. I mean I must have really lost it, my friends normally wouldn’t panic like that.”
I shut down. Done for the day. I’ve said enough to this shrink who doesn’t even want to be here.
“The nurse said you used your call time last night, it’s the first time in two weeks. You called Turtle?”
A nod from me, this man knows exactly who I called, why ask?
“What did he say?’
“That the alternative school isn’t the same without me. And something about how I freaked that day and he was pretty scared.”
“Is that all?”
Of course it wasn’t. But there was NO WAY I was going to tell this guy what all was said. I happened to glance at the clock.
“Oh hey sorry to cut this short but It’s time for gym! I’m outta here!”
I get up and book it back to the ward where I have to stand and wait for him to come and open the door up for me. I don’t know what it is about this place. Every door is always locked. Him and our floor supervisor exchange those “she did it again looks” but I don’t care. I’m already in my spot in line, arms behind my back and an arm’s length away from the girl in front of me.
Nothing else matters at the moment. I’m going to gym to run. Second best only to the half an hour we get to spend “outside”
As D.J. hands me his Knuckles doll to hold (believe me, a great honor) I feel my thoughts coming. They are closing in again… squeezing me, not letting me go.
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